Accomplice > AllyPart I:
What is an accomplice anyway?
A space for those who want to learn how to be more proactive and revolutionary in the ways they show love and support to the LGBTQIA+ community.
{ Julie Bowditch }
For better or worse, we are firmly in an era where true colors are on full display. Allyship can’t be assumed and is often challenged. Both physical and emotional safety need to be prioritized in every setting. I’ve always considered myself an ally, but recently I have felt the acute need to level up.
Initially, I approached this with a term I dubbed “active allyship.” By that, I mean that being an ally isn’t a label we get to slap on ourselves to feel like a Good Human. It isn’t just saying “love is love” or the outdated blanket disclaimer: “I have a [gay, black, brown, disabled…] friend.” It’s not passive; it’s all about tangible action!
Allyship is important, I would even say it’s vital! But, even with that palpable element, it has a limiting quality. Being an ally often doesn’t extend into truly showing up for individuals and communities who are being marginalized and attacked by systems and institutions that continue to do them deep and intentional harm.
There’s an archaic element to the concept of being an ally. It is reminiscent of the conversations around “awareness” versus “inclusion”. The time for being an ally, like awareness, has passed us by. The responsibility to evolve is all of ours, and the time is now.
Densil Porteous, the executive director of Stonewall Columbus, said, “An ally is someone who says, ‘I am here for you’; an accomplice is someone who says, ‘I am here with you.’ An ally will be there after you’ve been bloodied; an accomplice is there, getting bloodied with you.” I would take the liberty to add that a true accomplice should be bloodied, figuratively speaking, FOR those more impacted by discrimination!
The expectation for marginalized folks to inhabit the front lines and fill the gaps is obsolete. Reactively picking up the pieces of trauma isn’t solving the root of our societal problems. It’s time to stand up, not just shoulder to shoulder, but taking the bullets for our oppressed friends. It’s overdue to use whatever unique measure of privilege and energy we each possess to dismantle harmful systems.
Where do we start?
Make it known upon your very first interaction, at first word or glance, that you care about ALL people and value them and their unique needs. This looks different for each person and can be situational. It can be what we wear, where we spend money, what media we consume, how we show up in spaces and those we choose to occupy, the language we choose (spoken, written, and body language), and much more.
Wear your solidarity loud and proud. Let it be known, in whatever ways feel right and available to you, that you support, accept, and value each individual exactly as they are. Show them that you prioritize equality and human rights over avoiding potential conflict or awkwardness. Those who are at greatest risk of being targeted and discriminated against should not have to take chances to learn with whom and where they are safe.
This requires deliberate self-awareness and brutal honesty. It includes continual listening and learning. It’s about creating and maintaining truly safe spaces for everyone. It extends to speaking up against inequity. Accompliceship demands accountability.
If someone needs to guess where you are on the accomplice spectrum, they might presume the worst. Taking a gamble to discover if someone is inclusive and compassionate in this political climate is imprudent. If even a whiff of discrimination exists, one single red flag, those in vulnerable intersections can and should run the other way. Wondering is exhausting. Taking these risks is too costly.
Bigots have gotten bolder and more empowered. The only way to combat this is for accomplices to also get braver and crystal clear about who we are and where we stand. This is no time for acting meek or “neutral”. Be a bright shining light of safety and respect. Abandon quiet allyship; be a courageous accomplice.
If this concept makes you feel a little uncomfortable, you’ve got the right idea. Confidently and consistently doing what’s right is rarely easy. It’s also not linear. We are on this journey together, and you took a step forward today if you’ve read this far.
I’ll end by saying that I’m still learning, which will forever be true. I’m going to get some of this wrong, and I urge you to engage with me on that. I intend to proceed with vulnerability in this continued conversation. It’s my goal to use this space to hold myself along with fellow and future accomplices accountable and grow together. Join me!